Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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