i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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