remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
