i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she looked like the before picture.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
