At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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