even my farts smell like vagina
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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