I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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