Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
