Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
