Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
