we have officially lost it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
