I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
