apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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