if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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