i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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