Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
