are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
