And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So many bounce houses so little time
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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