I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
