my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
