Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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