Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize