Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
