You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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