I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
