Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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