she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
