Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
