Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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