I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
