Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
