hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
this boner is exhausting
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize