38 yer olds are good kisserssss
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
