i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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