i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
