Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
