You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
