if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
did i walk over a car last night?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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