please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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