I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
