Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
