So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dick very happy bro
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
