a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
