I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
