There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
