I have demons in me.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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