the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
