Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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