Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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