Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
