Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
