It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
