Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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