i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
