I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
