guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
