I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
