So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
