I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
