The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize