so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
