3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
im six kinds of drunk right now
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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