Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
