I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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