there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
