who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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