I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
3 2 1 whiskey
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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