I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
