Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
