we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
