everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
