Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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