you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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