the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
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i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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